An urge to write about this process is what is guiding me today. It has been on my mind for the longest time and I have not listened or rather I dismissed the thought, plagued by thoughts of ‘you are no authority on the process of shapeshifing’ type of. OK perhaps I am no authority on the subject, but I am my own authority on my own process, at least that is how I am deeply feeling it.
This ill-ease of the last few weeks, first coughing up sticky substance from the depth of my body which has since a couple of days transformed into a running nose, congested sinuses still speaks loudly from my soul and I can no longer ignore its message.
At first I felt it deeply reconnected me to my Source beyond time and space, urging me to speak up, take a stand, make the choices to lead out of feeling stuck. It also coincided with the passing of my earthly mother, who peacefully did not wake up on September 22nd, 2009, at 95, ending her earthly trajectory around the time of the equinox, when new surges of energies entered which her old body could no longer harbour, turning the page and moving on. Since that time and I am the first one surprised by this experience, I feel a deep connection to her soul, as if she was communicating to me through my body. I mention surprised because my mother was not a believer in an after life. She had rejected any form of organized religion and belief in a traditional form of God. She believed that when you go you go. She was however strongly connected to Nature and Life and often referred to herself as a gentle ‘witch’.
Surprised also because during the course of her life we had fought many battles and I was at peace with her life and her passing. It was timely and I could resume a chosen course for my own life, which had been scattered at best in the last 5 years.
After my initial attempts to want to suppress the process of coughing up this sticky substance at any cost , the fact that I was not able to shift it, started to attract my full attention. What is my body attempting to say to me, what am I not hearing? As I listened, the coughing changed, from the initial spasms reconnecting me to my hara center, the Source of my Being, it started to gradually clear and with every mucus substance coming out of me, a bit more of my lifelong doubts got cleared. Hey you don’t just shift 60 years of doubts in just a few hours and a part of me is still holding on to doubts and beliefs that it is not easy. I notice this as I write. Daily it brings its new awareness.
Since a few days, the mucus comes out freely and a running nose gave me a headache that I questioned yesterday. The headache was located just behind my forefront, and clearly it was a battle for control between my heart center and the part of me that had ruled my whole life, the frontal lobe of my cortex, the rational part of my mind. When I got that the headache cleared instantly. Later during the day I suddenly realized that for the first time ever since I started the process of wanting an internet business, I was now seeing it and believing that it will happen, in due time. Doubts have lifted! I have come along way and learned a lot and still have a lot to learn, but I am moving forward. I am actually thoroughly enjoying the process rather than beating myself up for not yet having it up and running, sabotaging my very efforts by being naive about the time it takes…
And then today I realized that not only did I cough up all my own lifelong doubts, no doubt! I am also coughing up some of my mother’s. She is attempting to communicate to me, ‘I am still here’, the energy never dies. I knew that, but she didn’t have that level of understanding while in her living body. In our many conversations when I attempted to convey that notion to her, she always stuck stubbornly to her ‘stale’ beliefs, perhaps not having the necessary background to fully understand the principles of Quantum physics. But now as she is free of her earthly body, her energy got it and she is frantically attempting to let me know that she got it, helping me shift out of doubting mode, my biggest sabotage mechanism during my own life.
Sacred body, temple of my soul, harbour of my emotions, my vehicle of manifestation on this plane of reality, I honour you and through you access the necessary transformation, through cellular shapeshift, dislodging stuck beliefs of doubts and outdated control mechanisms, embedded in my cellular memory from time immemorial. And I recall that fascinating book of Bruce Lipton ‘The Biology of Belief’, where he makes it clear that indeed it is our beliefs that control our bodies, our minds and thus our lives.
I intuit that there is more to be said about the experience that I am coughing up from the depth of my soul, something to do with how we women are interlinked and are part of a web that will help shift outdated beliefs globally. I will however keep that for a later posting, that awareness has not fully crystallized yet, and is still bubbling up through my consciousness…