I can’t believe two months have elapsed since my last post on December 18th, 2013. After testing the webinar platform on January 3rd, 2014, I had all intention of following it up with a post outlining what emerged from that experience! And I have not done it, yet!
This morning while reflecting on my process of wanting to offer another f.ree online webinar before the end of February, and testing it from Riyadh, I realized how powerful the forces of entropy have been in my life and that only the drive I feel deep within is helping with the emergence of intentions born out of vision.
There is a real battle going on in my consciousness, between the forces of old habits pulling me back into outdated structures of impatience, procrastination, disorganization, judgment of my ineffective ways and the forces of the emerging soul power of intentional action guided by a big dream, a big vision. This latter power is a compelling force in my psyche that I need to obey, to surrender to, just can no longer give in to the ego structures of comparing myself to established others.
I need to respect my own process and I just cannot go faster than the clarity emerging daily in small bites, when my ego would already like to shine and have everything mastered perfectly, another outdated structure in my consciousness: the perfectionist.
The overwhelm this outdated structure is creating is not helping me take pro-active actions steps, it paralyses progress by judging the inefficiency of it all. This outdated part of my being has signed up for numerous courses and does not allow a more evolved way of functioning to emerge, sabotaging progress. On top of it my computer caught a virus last Thursday and needed a complete reformatting which put me back by a few days, reloading programs and operating systems. Now on a larger scale we are in a Mercury retrograde period and life on the planet is influenced by it and my life has been no exception.
I have come to realize once again that to stop the hold this powerful limiting force has on my psyche, I need to bring light to it, by revealing its shadow. The moment I shine light to it, it no longer has the same paralyzing effect on my progress. I see it for what it is and can make different choices, like planning a realistic time frame for teaching my first course online and then working towards making it happen, rather than thinking it will magically emerge all by itself.
Disorganization vs. Self organization
The outdated structure creating overwhelm wants everything done yesterday, and done perfectly. A real cartoon image literally: a big bully demanding it all be done NOW or I’ll be fired. Fired from what, from my own Self? How ironic, when in truth it is my own higher Self, my soul essence wanting to give birth to my purposeful life and BE WHO I AM AND DO NOW what I came here to do in this particular lifetime at this particular time in the history of our world. THIS IS THE FORCE THAT IS EMERGING IN THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF THE WORLD and I feel it in my body, in my flesh.
Identifying the resistance is helping me make different choices. So, what are the choices emerging out of that realization?
For one, I need to respect the agreement I made with myself for my own self respect and the commitment I took to test the webinar presentation out of Riyadh before I leave at the end of February to visit my daughter in Canada, respecting another agreement I made to spend some time with her in winter. The power of our word is the only true power we have! Walk the talk!
So with that clarity, let me set the intention of testing the webinar The Roadmap to Freedom on February 26th, 2014 at 10.00 AM Arabian Time (Riyadh). Unless I act upon my intention nothing will emerge and I will never know what else I need to learn towards delivering my courses online, stopped by some imaginary or real fear of making a fool out of myself. Well let it be it, this is the butterfly emerging from its chrysalis and unfolding its wings and taking flight into full visibility for the long haul.
Feeling much better now that I have identified the power play that was creating havoc in my subconscious.
Leave me a comment if you can relate. What is your intention? Do you operate from vision or from resistance, justifying inertia by limiting stories? Let’s empower each others to break through and out of the limiting structures in our consciousness.