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Tribute to my cat NoiranDSC01808

Love is the ground of being. Animals are connected to the purest form of love, the one that is unconditional.

My cat has a cancerous tumor which keeps growing. My cat is not just any cat to me.

As I begin to write this, I hear my mind whispering, who cares, who wants to read this, just drop the idea of creating a blog post out of this…. Thank you for sharing…something wants to be written about my experience with my cat….let me continue.

Let’s start at the beginning. He was born a breach, the third male kitten of our mother cat Minette, who passed away two years ago. I pulled him out by his hind legs when I heard her meow out of desperation and when I realized what was happening. There was an instant bonding to this little kitten from the first hour and we kept him, where as the two other kittens found a home some 15 years ago.

He was named Noiran by my daughter who found names for all our cats. He is black and white, noir et blanc in French, so he became Noiran, a contraction between the two words: noir et blanc.

Our cats when we moved, came with us and since we are travelling internationally had to have all the required vaccines and some, given by overzealous veterinarians following protocol. One of those vaccines contained a live strand and is at the origin of the tumor who took 10 years to declare itself for the first time last year, which I had removed twice. Now it grows exponentially and can no longer be operated.

This of course brings up the inevitable end we all face at the end of the journey we are all travelling on our beautiful mother ship the Earth.

On the last leg of his journey he once again cracks me open, leaving me raw and vulnerable, but now fully equipped to handle the flow of energy that comes through when connected to inner strength and the power of the universe.

Let me create a context for what wants to emerge here.

See, about 10 years ago, we had to abruptly leave Saudi Arabia, due to a combination of events, terrorist attacks against Westerners and a health issue my mother was facing in France. So we chose to move to France, my homeland, where I had not lived for the last 35 years.

This was one of the most difficult experiences of my life. I felt lost, disconnected, depressed, and anxious all the time, felt like a refugee in my country of origin, in pain galore, definitely not connected to the ground of being: love.

This state of feeling lost, disconnected lasted a few years, as I was not grounded in anything, I was unable to make the best decisions for myself or my daughter. So we moved again two years later, this time to Canada for two years, then back to France once again, all the while, I kept on visiting my husband still working in Saudi Arabia.

So basically I was on a plane changing continent between France, Canada and Saudi Arabia and time zones every three months.

Then back in 2008 or 2009, I can’t recall exactly, during a group coaching course with Mary A Hall, Mary was teaching us her connection tools, and how to find the space of love that lives in our heart. I had a real difficult time, trying at first to connect to the love I feel for my daughter.  When she was born, I experienced it and even wrote an article “My Daughter, My Master” about it.

But back then and still today at times she blames me for many mistakes I made during those times, so I shrink… I also tried connecting to the love for my husband, but he has disappointed me too many times to find it easy to connect at this unconditional level.

However, only the thought of my cat Noiran and the way he looks at me, purrs instantly when I take him, helped me find the space of love within my heart. Now when lost and disconnected, I just think of him and I can reconnect instantaneously. This makes him a very special cat to me.

Today, when I reflect back, I know that Noiran has been a teacher in my life, probably the biggest guru, or spiritual teacher, and I had connections to a few in the past, but none was able to connect me to that unconditional flow of raw power and inner strength that loves opens yourself up to: the ground of being, the stuff we are all made up of, the stuff that heals

And for the last month ever since I am back in Saudi Arabia and dispensing palliative care to the greatest teacher I ever had in my life, he is healing me and cracking me open to my purpose, supporting me to write beyond the critical self judgments acting as a shield to the truth, my truth, and the purpose of my life, the work I came here to do.

The shield of my critical self judgments, not perfect enough to share, which used to constantly hold me back. Now daring greatly!

The flow of unconditional love that I had never experienced as a child growing up is now flowing freely and with it an emergence of what wants to be said through me.

I do not know exactly where this will take me and how it will happen. What I do know now for sure is that I no longer want to hold it back and stay a prisoner of my own critical judgments.

I have more to say on that topic, but that will be for another time. Writing this has brought up many emotions and I will now go for a swim to digest it all.

 

15 Responses to “Love is the Ground of Being: The Lessons my Cat is Teaching Me”

  1. Fiona says:

    So blessed to be able to connect with you today and share my cat story with you. My dog Jay came into my life almost 8 years ago. He has taught me so much and I did start to write about it. This was my first ever dog and it has been heart breaking for me to leave him as I travel back between here and Oz. He had a cancerous lump a few years ago and I felt grateful that I was guided to find it in time . Every time I leave him I feel part of my soul is left behind. Our cat Zelda is able to shape shift and come visit. She is an amazing healer. She came into our life when my neighbour was diagnosed with cancer and helped us as kay made her transition. Oh just remembered I have written about this also. I really value you sharing your experiences and wisdom of expat life and also the unconditional love that animals bring. I have had a few cat experiences in KL when I was there and will look them out . I sometimes find them very painful to see animals abandoned when they are so giving and wise. I feel very emotional now as I have been worrying about leaving my dog again and know he is feeling all the changes that are happening in my life. Thank you for creating this space for me to heal xxthis situation and find peace with my choices . Love, hugs and gratitude for your works my amazing friend xx

  2. selfawarenessinaction says:

    Thank you Fiona, you are a kindred spirit no doubt and we share many similar experiences of the expat lifestyle, travelling wives as you put it AND professional career women who made certain difficult choices at a certain point in our lives and are now at a stage where we can claim the wisdom emerging from those experiences.

    Shapeshifing now into the purposeful life we came here to live.

    Daring to share our difference, our gifts, our multicultural perspective so needed today in the world…

  3. Michelle says:

    Beautiful, full of vulnerability and authenticity. Thank you for sharing your journey. Now I want to go out and adopt a cat. I’m posting this on my Facebook page.

  4. selfawarenessinaction says:

    Thank you Michelle for your heartfelt comment! The cat will find you if you are receptive and open! They have more wisdom than the common human in my humble opinion!

  5. christine says:

    Hi Aline, So good to see your name appear and then to read your beautiful story. I loved reading about the bond and connection you made with this loving soul, your cat. Yes, I heard that some people grieve greater when their beloved animal passes than they do with a family member or friend. It seems that animals and people connect more easily at a soul level. I found this to be true with my beloved dog, Pinot, who was staying on a farm in California with my brother, until I could have him in a home of my own one day. I visited him in April ,then a few short months later I received the dreaded call that he died. It took days to get to the truth, which I didn’t want the details, but my sons demanded the truth. Seems some people do not value animal souls as much as others do. Anyway, our Pinot is gone and I was not there to help him in his passing. You are very fortunate that you have this opportunity. Then exactly one month later our beautiful one year old cat, Onyx, became suddenly ill. We took him to the vet where he received an antibiotic. Within five minutes our little friend collapsed to the floor and spirit left him. We then rushed him to the hospital where a team of doctors tried everything possible to revive him, but we had to eventually allow him to go back to the earth. These were the hardest two months in my family life, yet so many life lessons were learned by all in those few hours. We still have one cat, India, who was found 10 years ago in a Indian restaurant parking lot as a very tiny tot. She was bottle fed by my son and continues to be a kind mistress in our home. Our home would never be the same without an animal spirit climbing about and reminding us of our humanity with their loyalty and love.

    I will be thinking of you and your kind and loving Noiran, who is one of your greatest teachers. Sending you much love, Christine

  6. selfawarenessinaction says:

    Dear Christine,
    So lovely to connect through the love we share with animal partners.
    Thank you for dropping by my blog and reading!
    I have been thinking a lot about our project and ideas are emerging, will email you separately to share.
    Much love,
    Aline

  7. Azizah says:

    Aline,
    Your story deeply touched my heart! I feel the love in your words and it’s beautiful! I am so happy you shared this on your blog. Big hugs sweet friend.

  8. Isabel says:

    Love your sharing of the heart… your honesty and above all the new emerging wings where u now stand … breaking free from old limiting beliefs and fears… so that you may now glide…. free and unencumbered…
    love the blending and melting of multifaceted threads … around the core that brings us all together … this love that simply is…
    Thank u for all that u are…

  9. selfawarenessinaction says:

    Dear Azizah
    I know we connect through the love for animals and how deeply the cat situation in Saudi is bringing up your own journey of transforming deep wounds, collective wounds we all share as women, keenly felt specially in this country.

  10. selfawarenessinaction says:

    Thank you Isabel for bringing your wisdom to the page! So much is emerging and coming to fruition lately, the result of years of deep work, will connect soon by voice. Love and healing to your foot!

  11. Sarah M says:

    Quel joli message…c’est vrai qu’il nous apporte tellement de bonheur ce chat, et sans doute qu’il ne nous est pas tombé dessus par hasard.

    The power of love will set you free. I don’t think we can imagine just yet how powerful love can be, but the journey to any kind of transformation must surely start from within. What better way than by opening one’s heart to the possibility of love, unconditionally as you put it. Trust the process…and keep up the self-awareness 🙂

    Je suis fière de toi.

  12. selfawarenessinaction says:

    Merci, ma fille!

  13. priya says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. Love is certainly the ground of being. Why is it so difficult for us to simply live this underlying truth? I suppose this is the stuff of many inquiries, songs, therories, poems and the like and for the lack of understanding this the cause of much strife! I am glad to have you as a fellow traveler on this path!

  14. Lev says:

    Aline,

    Thank you for sharing your story. Its inspiring to share the intimate process that you’ve been through with you cat. I can relate. I have a cat that I love dearly, and I’ve lost a cat to feline leukemia, as well. Thank you for sharing.

    love, Lev

  15. selfawarenessinaction says:

    Thanks Lev for dropping by and leaving a comment. Cat lovers synergy!