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Around 12.30 PM today I heard someone put a flyer between the screen door and the entrance door of our villa while I was exercising. As I finished with my exercises thought of checking what it was.

When I opened my front door, right below the ledge inside the house I saw a huge cockroach about 1inch long. I screamed and tried to push the cockroach out into the garden over the ledge with the piece of paper (Bus Schedule) which was delivered earlier.

Well screaming must have scared the cockroach who went running for hiding under a cupboard standing right by the entrance. I became frantic; no way am I going to have a living cockroach in my house, under the cupboard.

I dashed into the kitchen to look for some roach killer, only found some mosquito spray which I attempted to inundate the floor under the cabinet with, hoping to kill the “beast”. No success, the cockroach came out running from underneath, more screaming and the “beast” disappears again under the cabinet… and now totally frantically I pulled at the cabinet…I will get you!

As I pulled and pulled the top of the cabinet came tumbling down and fell on my right arm, spreading everything on the floor, from business cards, coins, cassette recorder, pens and pencils, smashing two glass vases, a ceramic pencil container into thousand pieces and breaking a plastic container full of citronella oil!

Moments later the cockroach who must have found a way to climb up into the top part of the cabinet fell down this time on his back with his legs frantically attempting to turn around. A huge brown volcanic rock (I am a rock collector and have them everywhere in the house) had also tumbled down and lay nearby. Again impulse acting through me, I grabbed the rock and smashed the poor cockroach. He had no chance!

And then I came back to my senses, free of the intruder and started to contemplate the scene, wondering where to start with the clean up?

I had to take a picture of the mess since immediately saw how this totally irrational situation had something to teach me. The words that came to mind “irrational fears” kept pounding in my head. For an instant thought of calling for help for the clean-up and then chose to do it myself. There is more than meets the eye here and I started to reflect on the situation, while sweeping and mopping up the oil.

So what am I pulling from this mess? Well for one a blog post about irrational fears, but also a lesson from my higher guidance, that not everything will go according to my planning. This situation of course took a few hours from my schedule plus the time I am now taking to write about it. As I proceeded with the clean up, saw here an opportunity to delve deeper into the subconscious and supra-conscious meaning this has for me and journal about it, instead of working on my daily to-do list.

First on the topic of subconscious fears, totally irrational but which paralyze us.

Now what does a cockroach represent? The underground, they live in the earth, the underground is that vast territory of our subconscious mind which runs our life, from all the autonomic features of our nervous system that keep us alive, e.g. breathing, digestion, heart beating, etc… and keep us safe from time immemorial, rooted in the reptilian brain. And it definitely is that very archaic part of me that reacted impulsively to seeing the cockroach, the classical fight or flight impulse. And I fought! I was in my home; no way will that beast intrude my house. It could very well have been a tiger! Come to think about it, a tiger would not have created the same stir. I love animals and admire insects, even rescue bees still alive when they have fallen into the pool when I go for a swim. So what is it with roaches and creepy crawlers? Well it looks like I will need more reflection on this one. Will let it simmer.

Second on the topic of supra-conscious guidance.

Here the message is a bit clearer, since I have been procrastinating expressing myself, doubting that I had anything to bring to the game through my writing. For seven years now I have this project of writing my story about the adventures of my life and the lessons and wisdom I am pulling from them and keep on putting it off.

Not perfect yet, no fully fledged online business yet, so better work some more before daring to share your story. And who would be interested to read it anyway, says my ego, the ultimate protector constantly cutting the grass from under my wings?

Yesterday however I have spent quite a lot of time daring to put in writing again my Big Why and attempting to define the movement I am creating. What keeps on emerging is a movement of freedom for women to fully express themselves from a place of inner connected and Earth grounded power and wisdom.

When the cupboard fell I immediately saw the opportunity to express myself via this blog on the topic of irrational fears and saw it as a way Spirit has of guiding me to do what I am yearning to do, to fully express myself, despite the fear of judgments, criticism and what not….and the fear of never being perfect ever, but daring anyway. This actually right now brings up tears….

Yes this is what it is all about, following the guidance day by day and not the programmed to-do list following reason. And my Angel card this morning was “Answered Prayers”! Can it get any better in terms of guidance and direct intervention?
This touches me deeply since for most of my life I have thought of myself as abandoned by God, not worthy of attention and consideration. This core wound has forged a path of healing and today I am claiming the wisdom gleaned from the transformation and the journey, daring to light and guide the way for others to follow.

The irrational fear of the cockroach brings me to write about guidance, the other pole in life, the inner and the outer. The dark and the light, soul and ego… More on that later, something got unlocked today. Thank you Spirit, God, Universe!

 

What does it mean to be free?

It means I can be who I really am, free to be me, expressing myself freely and not overly concerned about what people will say when I express myself or let’s face still express myself, even if for sure I will stir up criticism or judgments from others since not everybody will share my perspective on life.

This blog post is an exploration into the causes which have limited my freedom to be and express myself by letting the fear of judgment and the fear of rejection have the upper hand. Two main causes seem to be emerging from this exploration.

1. The first one is that I had not sufficiently distilled my own message to share it intelligently.

In a You-Tube video I heard Dr. John D. Martini say that procrastination is the result of three (3) primary things:

  • a. An unclear vision
  • b. An un-chunked vision
  • c. A vision not linked to your higher values

My vision is very clear and it is definitely linked to my higher values, however and that is the point in b. above: it is still not chunked enough. It still is very contextual, definitely inspiring me to keep on working on my own blocks to full manifestation. However when it comes to sharing it publicly I still let my fear of being judged stop me from at least sharing my evolving progress.

Noticing here that this is what I am actually doing today, daring to articulate this for myself. Credit to this “daring greatly” goes to Brené Brown. I have been immersed in reading her book DARING GREATLY – How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead.

2. The second one is that I had not finished clearing shame and guilt for not being perfect from my energy field. Wow! When I saw this the other day, one huge block to expressing myself got lifted.

Since January I wanted to write regularly on my blog and have not done it consistently, using excuses of travel and others to procrastinate. Then in March 2014 after I met a number of people at the Big Shift with Bill Barren and at the Women Leadership summit with Sage Lavine, I had all intentions of setting up a short Newsletter to keep connected and sharing progress on emerging ideas since the March workshops. Every single month since April I have included this in my monthly goals and last week when I say the near end of the month of August approaching, and still not having done it, I starred myself square in the eyes once again and journalled on the topic to gain clarity on what is stopping me.

An old pattern of mine is at cause here: I have to do it all on my own and perfectly please and of course should already have figured it out by now at 65. Figured out what? Well there again no limit to the demands set by my ego. But more specifically: I should have figured out how to set up an online business (coaching and teaching as I have been offline) with all the bells and whistles, as Christina Hills calls it in her Website Creation Workshop, which I have taken for the first time in 2009.

Back then during her workshop I had set up my blog site and sincerely hoped that no one would ever find it, feeling ashamed that this is all I could come up with at the time, since by no means did it have all the bells and whistles of shopping cart, video message, sales offer, etc…and still don’t! I am actually only now gaining clarity on what I would like. And what I am realizing is that the pattern of having to do it all alone is not the major block to forward motion. The real block to this pattern shifting is my own critical self judgments sabotaging progress and which kept it locked in place.

I have come a long way in the last few years accepting help and coaching from mentors and gaining exponential clarity on my message, vision, mission and intentions. So why is it still causing procrastination?

Well, it is only when I completely was able to feel into the shame and guilt that the critical self judgments were attempting to shield me from feeling that I found the courage to share this publicly.

Shame and guilt is what I experienced for not being ‘perfectly organized’, ‘totally clear’, ‘utterly productive’, well in a nut shell PERFECT all around. Brené Brown’s research showed me that I am by no means alone feeling like this, which I already knew, but somehow it gave me the courage to start writing about it.

Feeling into the emotions is powerful and I have resisted feeling into shame for a very long time, cycling the pattern.

So choosing to publish this blog post as is, by no means perfectly written, but daring to be transparent about my process and hence vulnerable to criticism but in truth it is really my very own self criticism that keeps me stuck. So now is the time on this first day of the new moon in Virgo to free myself from an outdated old program that definitely does not serve me at all.

You are welcome to test my shame resilience and comment below!

 

From Prophecy to Reality: Join the Consciousness Revolution

By John Perkins

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A special note from John Perkins: How do we shift the dream of the West from consumerism to a Dream that is more life-affirming, spiritually fulfilling, and sustainable? The answer is to become a Dreamshifter – someone who is skilled at changing consciousness at the deepest levels of our being, both personally and collectively. I will show you how at this exciting free event: https://shiftnetwork.infusionsoft.com/go/pod14jp/perkins/

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Participating in the consciousness revolution can no longer be ignored as simply a nice, feel-good choice for those who might care enough or find it convenient. It is now imperative for all of us who share this tiny, fragile space station as our only home. Our present and our children’s futures depend on our ability to change the dream of our society. All of us will be impacted catastrophically if we continue in the current reality. But if we listen to the ancient prophesies of indigenous cultures all over the world and join together in the revolution, we can change that reality for the better.

Now we must pay attention to the clarion call that grows louder each day and is voiced by people all over the world: work together for peace and justice. We must transform the current “Death Economy” that is based on militarization and depleting the earth’s resources into a “Life Economy” based on alleviating hunger, reducing pollution, and developing new forms of energy, transportation, and responsible businesses.

We live in the most revolutionary time in human history. It is bigger than the Agricultural Revolution or the Industrial Revolution, the American Revolution or any other revolution. This is a revolution in consciousness, a time for us to wake up to our true potential as human beings. It’s a revolution that will free us from our unconscious stories of lack and limitation and release us from the false values, hopes and expectations that have kept us stuck in dysfunctional patterns – both as individuals and as global societies.

I’m happy to say that this uprising of passionate and committed people is a cross-cultural awakening that will impact all species. In the past year I’ve traveled to Southeast Asia, Europe, the Middle East, Latin America and around the United States. Everywhere I’ve felt the power of this historical global awakening. People are becoming conscious of the fact that the old traditions and the status quo of the corporatocracy are no longer serving their – our – interests or those of life upon our planet.

We the People are coming radically alive, and we are recognizing that the current world economy has failed terribly. The geopolitical structure created by big governments that are under the control of even bigger businesses has turned what seemed like a dream into a nightmare. Though for a time it appeared that this system was accelerating our civilized development, it has now become obvious that despite the amazing advancements in communications, medicine, the arts, and so many other areas, there is also an ominous dark side to the kind of progress we have been pursuing. The world is plagued by threats to peace and human survival; these stem to a large degree from the abuses of corporate monopolies. Not only have the monopolies destroyed huge swathes of the earth and polluted its air and water, they have also fostered the growth of devastatingly poor and starving communities.

This dark side has reached a critical mass. The implications for the future of our species ought to unite us across racial, cultural, social, and religious lines – all the ways in which we divide ourselves from others who, we have been told, are different from us. Unless we come together to challenge the very people who abuse their power and promote destructive systems, there will be no sustainable future for any of us. It is time for the less than 1%, the big businesses and the governments they control, to stop serving themselves and start serving the more than 99%.

Indigenous shamans from cultures around the world offer us a blue print for moving forward. They’ve seen this coming for millennia. Each culture has a storied history of prophecies of the death of one age and the birth of another.

Since 1968 I’ve lived, studied and worked with indigenous cultures on every continent (except Antarctica where there aren’t any.) All of them have a prophecy which says that we’ve entered a time with the potential for major transformation.

The Maya of Central America, Quechua of the Andes, Buddhists of the Himalayas, Bedouins of the deserts, and many others foretell a shifting of our world and our reality into a sustainable, just, spiritually fulfilling, and thriving future. These prophecies tell us that we’re moving out of the period of deprivation, of lack and limitation and dysfunctional patterns, into a time for understanding that there’s great abundance in the world if we will only pursue it together.

For example, we know that oil and fossil fuels are very limited and that burning these fuels is destroying the atmosphere. On the side of abundance, though, we’ve got plenty of sunshine and wind and other forms of pure, natural energy that we’re learning to use. These prophecies tell us that we can find more and more ways to tap into the abundance that is right in front of us instead of perpetuating the cycle of destruction. Modern science is catching up with this message.

In 1990, when I first started writing books and teaching workshops on shamanism, my work received attention from a very limited category of people. For lack of a better term, they were mostly what we might call former hippies and New Agers; there were few businessmen, doctors or lawyers interested in this message. But now that has changed. I meet people from all walks of life, all socio-economic groups, and all kinds of backgrounds who embrace these ideas and are passionate about changing their world.

Indigenous people from many cultures tell us that “the world is as we dream it” and that the dream is realized by the actions we take. The dream of our parents and those before them – along with the decisions they and we have made – has now brought us to the brink of self-destruction. However, across the planet we are shaking ourselves awake; now it is time to dream a new dream. And to act and change accordingly. The revolution is underway.

Let’s all join it.

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NOTES:

Upcoming Events in London:

October 3-5, 2014
Speaking events and workshop in London
Location: Regents’ University Conference Centre, London
Friday, October 3: Talk on Confessions of an Economic Hitman
Saturday, October 4: “Sacred plants, Shapeshifting, and Consciousness Revolution”
Sunday, October 5: Workshop: “Shapeshifting Yourself and the Planet”
Information: http://www.plantconsciousness.com
Early Bird Tickets may still be available: http://plantconsciousness.com/book-my-tickets.html
Workshop Tickets: http://plantconsciousness.com/workshop-with-john-perkins.html
_______________________________________

If you’re interested in having me deliver a speech or talk, please contact my publicist and scheduler Peg Booth:
Email: pegbooth@boothmedia.com
Phone: +1 760-929-1111

***You have my express permission to share, replicate, and distribute this newsletter.

This blog post is long overdue. I had committed publicly during my test webinar from Saudi Arabia on February 26th, 2014 (The Roadmap to Freedom – Making Sense of Life’s Transitions) to capture my learning in a blog post and share it with the participants. I am honoring that commitment albeit much later than anticipated. A lot has happened since.

The next day in the early hours of February 28th, I left to Canada to spend time with my daughter, another commitment I had made last Fall to be with her during the bitter winter of Montreal. I shifted from + 30 degrees Celsius in Riyadh to – 20 C in Toronto where I first landed. Needless to say the shock was intense on my body, it had been quite a few years since I last experienced a real cold winter and I got sick with bronchitis, which slowed me down quite a bit and which I needed to heal since I had also planned to go to two workshops in California at the end of March: the Big Shift with Bill Barren and the Women’s Leadership Summit with Sage Lavine, only returning to Riyadh 12 days ago, readjusting to the time zone and beginning to digest all the information gleaned along the way.

I am not sharing this as an excuse, only taking stock of reality and reflecting on what transpired from my learning during the two live events I attended, one in San Francisco and the other one at the Asilomar in Pacific Grove. During the first event I realized that I had many steps in place towards setting up my teaching and coaching business online, and I also had some fundamental pieces missing that I needed to put in place.

For one year now I have been delivering my coaching services online, hence able to work from anywhere in the world. This was easy to set up and I expected the same when it comes to delivering my course content online. But not quite so, unless of course I only wanted to deliver the course to a group of people that I had gathered locally, but even then I would need to have a few more structures in place, like web copy and content description, log in information, technical stuff basically.

I have come to the conclusion that I will hire somebody to do this for me instead of trying to be a jack of all trades. One big lesson for me. The other realization that sank in for real this time, is that I cannot have an online business without partnerships of other online business owners willing to cross promote for each other to create a larger reach and find people, in other words create a movement of people with a common and  complementary vision. The potential is unlimited. And that’s where my impatience is acting as a braking mechanism, slowing me down rather than supporting the steps I still need to take.

Purposely I have entitled this blog post ‘Commitment versus Impatience’ since I have been keenly aware in the last week how much my impatience is causing havoc in my progress. Certain things take time and no amount of pushing can speed them up! My vision and my commitment to it is clear. It is part of my purpose and when I connect to it, I feel aligned with my soul and my higher guidance.

Now there is another structure in my psyche, my ego who quite foolishly at times sets unrealistic goals without planning  which create stress, and resistance. This part of my ego  procrastinates, often because it doesn’t quite know yet how to move through certain obstacles or do certain things, and thinks it has to do it all alone. That part of my ego then gets impatient and tries to speed up the process, spins its wheels and ends up being frustrated.

It usually is my body who wakes me up to what is unfolding and this time it is my back who is sending me distressing signals to take care of it and I will oblige.

In conclusion I want to offer an alternative to teaching online, which I had planned to start at the end of April, again an unrealistic deadline given my travelling schedule and lack of infrastructure in place. I will be offering a 3 hours workshop live  towards the end of May, which I will announce to the people who had expressed interest in working with me.

In the meantime, I keep on working diligently and with commitment, driven by my vision but also informed by the intelligence gathered during the two live events I attended with the intention of setting up a workable infrastructure through which to offer my curriculum.

Please be patient, everything is unfolding just as it should! The inner work required often takes longer than planned, actually this cannot be planned, if I am honest with myself! But you have to have the awareness to read the signs!

I can’t believe two months have elapsed since my last post on December 18th, 2013. After testing the webinar platform on January 3rd, 2014, I had all intention of following it up with a post outlining what emerged from that experience! And I have not done it, yet!

This morning while reflecting on my process of wanting to offer another f.ree online webinar before the end of February, and testing it from Riyadh, I realized how powerful the forces of entropy have been in my life and that only the drive I feel deep within is helping with the emergence of intentions born out of vision.

There is a real battle going on in my consciousness, between the forces of old habits pulling me back into outdated structures of impatience, procrastination, disorganization, judgment of my ineffective ways and the forces of the emerging soul power of intentional action guided by a big dream, a big vision. This latter power is a compelling force in my psyche that I need to obey, to surrender to, just can no longer give in to the ego structures of comparing myself to established others.

I need to respect my own process and I just cannot go faster than the clarity emerging daily in small bites, when my ego would already like to shine and have everything mastered perfectly, another outdated structure in my consciousness: the perfectionist.

The overwhelm this outdated structure is creating is not helping me take pro-active actions steps, it paralyses progress by judging the inefficiency of it all. This outdated part of my being has signed up for numerous courses and does not allow a more evolved way of functioning to emerge, sabotaging progress. On top of it my computer caught a virus last Thursday and needed a complete reformatting which put me back by a few days, reloading programs and operating systems. Now  on a larger scale we are in a Mercury retrograde period and life on the planet is influenced by it and my life has been no exception.

I have come to realize once again that to stop the hold this powerful limiting force has on my psyche, I need to bring light to it, by revealing its shadow. The moment I shine light to it, it no longer has the same paralyzing effect on my progress. I see it for what it is and can make different choices, like planning a realistic time frame for teaching my first course online and then working towards making it happen, rather than thinking it will magically emerge all by itself.

Disorganization vs. Self organization

The outdated structure creating overwhelm wants everything done yesterday, and done perfectly. A real cartoon image literally: a big bully demanding it all be done NOW or I’ll be fired. Fired from what, from my own Self? How ironic, when in truth it is my own higher Self, my soul essence wanting  to give birth to my purposeful life and BE WHO I AM AND DO NOW what I came here to do in this particular lifetime at this particular time in the history of our world. THIS IS THE FORCE THAT IS EMERGING IN THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF THE WORLD and I feel it in my body, in my flesh.

Identifying the resistance is helping me make different choices. So, what are the choices emerging out of that realization?

For one, I need to respect the agreement I made with myself for my own self respect and the commitment I took to test the webinar presentation out of Riyadh before I leave at the end of February to visit my daughter in Canada, respecting another agreement I made to spend some time with her in winter. The power of our word is the only true power we have! Walk the talk!

So with that clarity, let me set the intention of testing the webinar The Roadmap to Freedom on February 26th, 2014 at 10.00 AM Arabian Time (Riyadh). Unless I act upon my intention nothing will emerge and I will never know what else I need to learn towards delivering my courses online, stopped by some imaginary or real fear of making a fool out of myself. Well let it be it, this is the butterfly emerging from its chrysalis and unfolding its wings and taking flight into full visibility for the long haul.

Feeling much better now that I have identified the power play that was creating havoc in my subconscious.

Leave me a comment if you can relate. What is your intention? Do you operate from vision or from resistance, justifying inertia by limiting stories? Let’s empower each others to break through and out of the limiting structures in our consciousness.

Last week I had a wake-up call in the form of an email from my Hosting company Blue Host stating that my site has been temporarily shut down:

”We are contacting you today because your hosting account has been compromised. Malicious files in your account are being referenced in spam emails being sent out. Because of this, we have deactivated your hosting account.”

I am glad I even noticed this email, since I get an enormous mass of emails daily and I simply scan through them to check for the ones I will open. Needless to say when I read this email, it got my attention. After contacting them and taking the necessary steps to correct the situation, mainly updating my plugins and keeping the site current, the situation has been corrected. The bigger issue this brought to my awareness is ”How long am I going to be playing small with my dream of touching many more people with my gifts and skills using the online platform?”  I had ignored my website  and what inspired me to set it up in the first place far too long….

This morning I had a conversation with a buddy in New Zealand, who is a few steps ahead of me in walking her talk and she inspired this blog post.

When I reflected on the past year I realized that I have finally broken through and have achieved a dream that emerged in 2007 at a time when I was lost and disconnected, in transition and had no clue on how to find clients when new to a country. At that time I was introduced to online marketing  and thought ”That’s it! this is how…” I have talked about that in my previous blog post Self Awareness Leads to Personal Transformation.

This year, I have been travelling and living in 4 countries during the 4 months from July to the end of October 2013 and was able to keep my appointments with my coaching clients simply because I have learned to offer prepaid coaching packages for 3 and 6 months instead of offering in person only physical sessions, which require my presence in the same physical location than my clients. So in hindsight I must acknowledge to myself that I am now using the online platform. Now my perfectionist tendencies which I have also talked about in my previous blog post, often still have the power to obscure the reality I am living by comparing the result attained to the end vision I am holding.

And my vision is big. I have big dreams for the world and for myself and for what I can do. So when I look at reality from the perspective that I still have not reached the big dream, I feel defeated and unsuccessful. However there is another way to look at the same reality and to look at where I was in 2007 and where I am today and then suddenly the perspective is totally different.

I am a different person today than I was back then in 2007. I have learned so much about myself through the struggles I had to face, mostly caused by limiting and false beliefs I chose to challenge and transform. And I celebrate my big dream and my big vision since this was the driving force of my progress.

So with this new awareness in sight I am now challenging myself to take the next step on my leading edge and my dream to teach not just coach through the online platform. Somehow the mere thought of teaching not seeing faces and people’s reactions still terrifies me.

As I am writing this post an idea emerged that I want to offer you a fr.ee online seminar on January 3rd, 2014 to set intentions for 2014 towards reaching your big dreams for your life and for the world.

And now I am facing my first hurdle on how  to let people sign up for this and it forces me to face my fear of the Optimize Press plugin… Really this is an never-ending transformation I have embarked on!… and I must admit it excites me, it keeps me fully engaged and alive. My spirit is in charge when I challenge myself, and my ego must obey and cooperate. A different energy is running in my system. Life is fun, the game I am playing is worth it and I am going for it.

I am not going through another year just watching life pass by while perfecting myself and hoping one day finally to be fully ready to step into my big dream vision.

I am as ready as I ever will be and I am going for it.

So instead of waiting to figure out how to masterfully operate the Optimize Press plugin, I will send this blog post to a few people on my mailing list and post it on my Facebook and invite you to comment below, if you are interested to participate in this 2014 Intention Experiment of Living into Your Big Dream, consciously transforming your small self, inspired by your vision of what wants to be born through you NOW! I will then get back to you with details on how to proceed.

And if you are shy posting your comments below, you can also hit reply on my email and let me know or ask me to connect with you via a Facebook Private Message. I am not looking for millions to respond to this, a small group of a few familiar names would suit me just fine for my next step into my leading edge!… That should take care of my paralysis when merely thinking of the technical challenges in the world of plugins and WordPress. And again in hindsight in 2007 I didn’t even use Facebook, so acknowledging progress on this front too. And if nobody shows interest, that will be fine too, since writing this gave me a chance to look at my reality from an empowered perspective!

Have a blast of a  year for 2014!

 

Self awareness is our capacity to know ourselves and accurately recognize our emotions and thoughts and their influence on our behavior.

Noticing where I have been stuck for quite a while is helping me face it and be transparent about my own process of transformation.

When I am transparent I no longer need to hide a part of me, in this instance, the part of me that secretly kept on thinking that to share my gift and/or to deserve love and attention, I needed first to be perfect. It is liberating to share the truth. All that energy I used to put into hiding that part of me (that is far from perfect and had the false belief) is now free to create.

Personal transformation is the process of reconnecting to the truth of who we are and liberating ourselves from outdated and/or false beliefs.

A few years ago, I used to write regularly on my blog and at times even daily. Back then I thought it would be easy to build an online business by the sound of a few internet gurus marketing their services. Reflecting on my process I am realizing in hindsight where those false beliefs originated, at least relating to the time it takes to build an online business…

In January 2007 I participated in ACCPOW Coaching Telesummit hosted by Milana Leshinsky and my head went dizzy. In one short week I had received an overview of how to build an internet business when I had previously never even heard something like this existed. It looked like a piece of cake and I thought I would have this think licked within the next few months. It gave me hope that I would one day be able to resume my professional activities using an online platform since I was going at the time through a huge life transition, living on three continents and grieving the loss of a stable life.

Cognitive biases, such as our tendency to interpret information in a way that confirms our preconceptions, inhibit access to self knowledge and transformation.

Today I realize that my ignorance of anything internet and computer related had caused a huge misconception that I superimposed onto my perfectionist tendencies. Instead of seeing things for what they were, I started to filter everything I was doing and not doing through the comparison lens. This mechanism has been present throughout my life, as a child I was frequently compared to others better or more advanced than myself in an attempt to up level my performance, a rather dis-empowering process that I became very good at performing on myself.

After a while I realized that attempting to follow others via numerous courses relating to building an online business  made me believe I needed to master everything (the perfectionist tendencies again) before I would deserve to attract clients online or even before I even allowed myself to build a functional website with bells and whistles. So I stopped blogging and even stopped building towards an online presence and concentrated on reconnecting to my true self, sharing my process of transformation in live women’s circles, teaching, coaching and counselling off line, but letting the online trip lay fallow.

Until now! I now feel an urgency to share my gifts and skills with more people, to connect to what is commonly referred to as a tribe.  I have been wondering how to resume this process of putting myself out there via the internet, daring to be visible.

This seems to bring up my worst fears and for quite a while I was not ready to face them. Fear of judgments having always been present in my consciousness from the earliest I can remember.

What we can “Be,” “Do” and “Have” is misled either by outdated beliefs, or by false beliefs inherited from ancestry, themselves based on a consciousness of fear and isolation.

The structures in consciousness that were based on competition have created an unsustainable world. The realization that those structures will only change globally when we individually change them within our own consciousness, is what is helping me breakthrough my own false beliefs and is creating this feeling of urgency.

Self awareness is the most important key in this process of transformation, without it, no change is possible. Personal transformation leads to global transformation. The personal and the global domain are profoundly interlinked. But more on this topic in another blog post.

Feel free to post your comments and feedback below.

Today, I lean against my fears! This is my challenge for the day.

Noticing what is there!  Awareness is the first step  to transformation. It has to become a new habit of thought!

What do I fear? Writing an auto-responder message, since I have never done it and I imagine it will be difficult, so I keep putting it off, instead of just opening up the aweber account and following the guidelines and just doing it. And I will, now that I am facing it!

Is it true that it is difficult? Only if I stick to that story, then I will never get to it! Once I learn how to do it, it will become a new skill I will have acquired!

What else do I fear? Fear of judgment, since I should have worked on the website and redesigned it and I didn’t do it because I am waiting for the light bulb to strike. Perhaps a secret wish of a genie doing it for me, so I won’t ever have to fully face that fear. That fear is a eternal companion that always fades away whenever I lean into it and face it and just do it. In truth, I did not write the auto-responder messages because I wanted to website to look good and be perfect before I do so!!!!

I have 3 websites in different stages of development, none completely satisfying and representative of what I want to convey and unless I work on clarifying that message over and over again, it also will not get done by itself. There too, I am noticing a secret wish of having someone hold my hand and guide me!!! I am noticing that I had even removed my website from my email signature since I judged myself harshly for it not being perfect!!!! What is perfect? Another one of those thoughts that carry a heavy meaning, loaded with feelings which bring up emotions, in this case rather dis-empowering ones. Such a thought generates procrastination, since deep down, I know that I never will be perfect. But my automatic mind keeps on betting unrealistically against all odds.

So what else do I fear? Come to think about it, I could list a long laundry list of thoughts that occasionally keep creeping up. But do they mean anything? Are they true? Not really, they are only true to the extend  I give them the power to create meaning and to the extend I identify with them. My mind is a meaning making machine, this is part of my operating system as a human being.

So noticing that when I made the choice to lean into my fears this morning, a rush of chemical reactions started to occur in my system that at first I wanted to escape. But choice is powerful and can override the automatic habit of thought!

Nothing is more powerful than moving into action, it helps bring clarity to the situation one step at a time.

What fears will you lean into today? Let’s empower each other to break free of that old habit of thought and create our reality freshly moment by moment!

7 Keys to SELF-EMPOWERMENT

FREE REPORT

This short report describes the transformation process that occurs with a shift of consciousness from ego to essence, from victim to God Seed, with all the attributes of self-confidence and self-esteem. The spiral of transformation from self-awareness to self-realization through 7 crucial steps.

December 4, 2012,

Heart-Centered Activism 

Activism is a personal choice. It is a passion for a cause expressed
through actions, funding, communication, as well as prayer, rituals, and art.

Dear Friends and Supporters of a Global Conference on Women (5WCW),

A rallying symbol. Not a political statement!

 

 

Here is an excerpt from my writing-activism,  Moving Toward the Millionth CircleEnergizing the Global Women’s Movement. It was inspired and provoked by reactions to the announcement of support for a global conference on women by the UN Secretary General and President of the 66th General Assembly (March 8, 2012). This little book is for heart-centered activists who are motivated to act by compassionate action, a sense of sisterhood, or fierce mother bear protectiveness which is a combination of love and outrage.

Heart-Centered Activism

It takes work to be an activist of any kind.

There are twists and turns,

setbacks, large and small victories.

always much to be done

and more to do.

If you are called to be an activist

“take heart” applies.

It will be a labyrinthine journey that will test you.

Sometimes it will seem that the path is going straight to the goal,

and then it turns sharply and you feel back to square one,

as in a board game.

Will you give up or will you keep on?

Circumstances change, people who you counted on

may not come through.

May join forces with others, abandon ship.

Or just run out of steam.

It helps all concerned to be in a circle of support

with shared meaning at the center.

Activism is really not a job for a do-it-yourself action hero.

even if it depends on one person doing her job

at a particular moment.

When activism is your assignment in the way that I define it,

meaningful, fun, motivated by love,

then it also is soul work.

Assignments 

The idea of recognizing an assignment when one comes along grows through personal encounters with people whose lives and “assignments” are congruent, authentic, and involved in service. There are many, many good causes to become involved with, but the assignment about which I write is one that has your name on it, written so only you know that this one is for you. It is something you volunteer to do. Taking on an assignment is an aspect of individuation—of becoming authentically oneself, of being on a path with heart or on a chosen life path. It is doing soul work. And as many may tell you who began with something small but significant, one step leads to another.Moving Toward

The idea that an “assignment” could be your soul work begins with a premise that we have a soul as most everyone throughout time has assumed; if so, there must be some point in being here. An immortal soul comes in through the body of a biological mother, into a world of family, society, culture, and time, that is either welcoming or not. I remember the series of insights that led me to think that we are “spiritual beings on a human path, rather than human beings who may or may not be on a spiritual path” as I wrote in Close to the Bone: Life-Threatening Illness as a Soul Journey. Our lives are short, time passes quickly, and we will have our share of suffering and joy. Time, place, skin color and gender will greatly affect the expectations, opportunities, and limitations placed on us.  And yet, if we have a soul, then what we do here in the time we have matters.

In this particular historical and cosmological time, the excesses of alpha male psychology and patriarchy has brought humanity and the planet to the brink, and some of the wiser men look to women to save the situation: “We men have made a proper mess of things, it’s up to women to save us,” from Desmond Tutu, former Anglican archbishop and Nobel Peace Laureate, or as the nineteenth-century philosopher Matthew Arnold foresaw, “If ever the women of the world came together solely for the benefit of mankind, it would be a force the world has never seen.”

I took on the assignment of advocacy for a UN Fifth World Conference on Women (5WCW) as a direct outgrowth of the idea behind the metaphoric millionth circle. My advocacy is not a goal in itself, but a giant step toward reaching the millionth circle—just as smaller conferences of women and gatherings with this intention also will be. Circles that form during a workshop, as well as ones I have been in for many years, continue to inspire me.  I can say from my own experience that “Each circle supports each woman in it to believe in herself and live authentically, to be who she could be with support from the circle and spiritual energy from her deepest sources, and to live into her assignment.”

Definition: Assignment. (1.) Meaningful

Meaningful is an inside definition—no one else’s opinion matters here. There is aconnection between who you are inside, what you have experienced, and how being involved in this is meaningful to you. Very often there is some personal reason for taking this one on, which may have led to starting an organization or being part of it. For me, realizing what women’s circles with a sacred center can do to support the life, the creativity, and the activism of its members, came from being in a prayer circle for decades (irreverently called “the Sisters of Perpetual Disorder”) and the “mother circle of the Millionth Circle” for just over a decade.

Each year, when I attend presentations and panels given by women activists from NGOs (non-governmental organizations) at the United Nations, I become aware of how many of them as young women were in need of the services that they provide, and are survivors who work to end abuses. Examples abound, such as the women who once were trafficked and now work to rescue trafficked women. Compassion in action called many activist women who were moved by the plight of young girls.

Definition: Assignment (2.) Fun

Fun—when you are with others who share your values, and with whom you can celebrate, laugh, mourn, or cry together at the ups and downs of the journey. When what you do matters and you feel and see that it makes a difference.  When it uses your creativity and you find the courage to do it. When you can be so involved and absorbed in it that you lose track of time. You may never have worked so hard in your life, and yet never spent the time with more satisfaction.

However, every heart activist or creative woman in for the long run also knows that the definition of “fun” doesn’t fit those times in which criticism rains down, when funds dry up, or worse, when people who you thought of as friends abandon, betray, or make fun of you. Or when you hear: “Who do you think you are?”  During times that are clearly “not fun,” if the assignment is true one, it remains meaningful to you. Plus, there is truth in the saying, “activism is a cure for despair.” Even in the worst of times, if you continue to be an activist and understand the principle of tipping point—that when it is reached, it required all the actions and consciousness-raising that preceded it—you keep on keeping on.

Definition: Assignment (3.) Motivated by Love

Motivated by love—love for what you protect, or serve, or help—it could be a principle, people, animals, and nature. Love for beauty, for peace and harmony. To want for others what you are grateful to have. For many women who are becoming activists, spirituality came first. Love for the sacred feminine, for Gaia—the Earth as Great Mother, for Mother’s Agenda: for all children to have what every mother wants for her own child.

Love is the only source of energy that is not zero-sum: if I give you anything else, you will have more and I’ll have less.  This is not so with love: the more love I give you, the more I have myself, the more you will have, and the more there will be in the world.

©2012 by Jean Shinoda Bolen.
 Manuscript for Moving Toward the Millionth Circle

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